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What is it?
The most frequently asked question about BDSM is… What is it? The second most asked question is… Why do it? And the third … Should I try it???????
The letters BDSM represent a creative approach to sexual exploration. Each letter describes a type of very diverse sex play which requires a bit of creative thinking. B is bondage. D is discipline. S is sadism (originating from the writings of Marque de Sade). And M is masochism.
Here’s an example…… Has your partner ever held your hands above your head, teased, licked and maybe tickled you till you wanted to scream (with pleasure of course) then without any effort from you (you can’t use your hands….remember) you were raised to the heights of orgasm (and enjoyed it)? Or perhaps you were the one doing the restraining, feeling the excitement of your partner below you, seeing the rise in sexual stimulation, getting a sexual charge from being the one who brings them to that point….. This is a type of bondage play. Not too bad huh? Sounds a bit…exciting??!!!??

Now what if
we added a bit of sexual creativity….. Your hands are restrained, you and your partner are sexually excited. What if you were told to lie still, be quiet, don’t move or fight against the teasing. If you didn’t follow your partners commands there would be consequences. Maybe you would receive a few slaps on the bottom (a light spanking) for disobeying your partners wishes….. Now that is discipline. Sounds ok so far?????
So add this step…. Hands still over your head, excited and a little curious what your partner will tell you next. A blindfold is carefully slipped over your eyes and you are told to behave, be quite and obey everything your partner tells you. Just to make sure you understand you must use the words; Yes master, yes mistress, yes sir/madam or just yes, I understand and obey. One of you takes control the other submits to it, you both agree to the rules and see where the game goes…. And that is the last part, sado-masochism (the reason they are combined here will be discussed later).

As you can see,
BDSM is about choice. Your choice to take your sexual exploration where, when and how far it feels good for both of you.
BDSM play is consentual. This means that both people (the one on top and on the bottom) agree to play this game, together.
BDSM play is about trust. Knowing your partner always encourages better sex, allows for good intimacy and more open sexual exploration. With trust between two people the new things that you discover together become less scary and a lot more fun.
BDSM must be safe...
You must be aware of any health problems your partner may have, extreme fears that could cause the fun to turn to disaster and the limitations of the equipment you are using.
A note on safety: always test your equipment before using and understand how it works. For example: regular leather wrist or ankle restraints are great for restricting the arms and legs but are not designed to hang someone from the ceiling (cuffs will cut off blood flow if pulled on with too much force). Also always be aware how to remove any bondage or restraining equipment in case of an emergency. Have sissors around if you need to remove rope quickly or cut cloth that restricts air flow. Most important: Being aware of potential problems makes safe fun sexy play possible.

Why BDSM...?
Now for that second question, Why BDSM? Not an easily answered question since the response is as diverse and different as people themselves. Some experts believe that sexual interest in BDSM is in your genes, you are born with it. For these people they don’t ask why, they just feel they must (which can cause a lot of problems if their partners don’t understand or feel the same way). Other experts think that BDSM is a higher developed form of sexual understanding and exploration which results from something as simple as boredom with regular sex to higher sexual awareness (like
discovering tantric sex or multi partner sex. What most people do agree on is that BDSM ex play is a creative expression of sexual exploration. For many people the question why just naturally becomes why not?
So the question arrives…. Why should YOU? After you have done some reading, thinking and experimenting it is obvious the only person who can make this decision is you. But in case you need a bit more encouragement here are a few things you should know……

Sexy play
BDSM is not just strictly Bondage, Discipline and Sado-Masochism.
Within each area of BDSM play are huge variations and hard to soft approaches to all of creative sex play. The use of pain to encourage pleasure can be explored with all of the categories; tight bondage, painful discipline, sadistic nipple play or masochistic desires for humiliation and pain. Same BDSM categories but on the other end is erotic restraint with fur and silk, light teasing and soft spanking, playful name calling and offering of sexual favors to the partner in control. BDSM can and often is combined with the use of varied sexual arousal aids like sexy rubber or leather clothing, fetish objects (shoes, boots etc.) and sex toys (strap-on dildo’s, vibrators and electric stimulation devices). There is also cross dressing (feminizing your man or masculizing your woman) which often helps to get your partner in a dominant or submissive mood (these terms are used frequently in BDSM to describe feelings of being the one in control or the one who ‘submits’ to the controller). Role play (taking on a new temporary identity to help both of you to accept the ‘roles’ each will play) as student and teacher, prisoner and jailer, prostitute and customer, boss and secretary; all roles which allow for many forms of pleasurable creative sex play. In the area of sadism and masochism, humiliating your partner within the confines of the play (remember safety with mental health is just as important as any other type of BDSM safety awareness so take care with your partners limitations and mental soft spots) can bring out the ‘sadistic’ nature of the dominate and helps the submissive partner to explore their ‘masochistic’ feeling. Taking your partner out in public while he or she is wearing an anal plug can be humiliating but very sexually stimulating.
The variations are endless, the play is boundless and the sex is creative. Use your mind, body and imagination freely to discover if creative sexual exploration—BDSM--is for you. You won’t know until you try.